The contents of my bedroom, curtains specially made to fit the windows, stoneware finished with raw oxides, gold oil pastel, 2014

Aphrodite-ed up

“It was love at first sight,” poet May Muzaffar told us today of the late painter & her lifelong partner Rafi al Nasiri, “I saw that painting and I knew.”

Sophia Stopper

May 30, 2026

“It was love at first sight,” poet May Muzaffar told us today of the late painter & her lifelong partner Rafi al Nasiri, “I saw that painting and I knew.” Amman, Jordan. October 2015.

When I was in Amman, Jordan in October 2015 with curator, art historian, and mother of the Arab art scene, Salwa Mikdadi, she took me to the home studio of May Muzaffar. May was as kind as you can possibly imagine. Elderly and beautiful. She gave me two of her poetry books, both written in Arabic, and said, You must learn the language if you want to read them. May showed me around the making space she shared with her late husband. His open paint tubes laying still in the same places from the day he died. Untouched. An untouchable kind of love.

I remember the day I first saw your poem saying–to walk on the backs of fishes and I fell in love with you in that moment and your playful bilingual use of the English language. I guess me and May have a thing for men who know how to tenderly articulate fish imagery. Is there something about swimming? Breathing under water? Diving to the bottom of the sea and coming back up with pearls for me?

Because you know you’re holding your breath without me. How long can you dive? Can you really last a lifetime underwater? When I write erotica, I think of Anaïs Nin and how she once said, I must be a mermaid Rango, I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living. I don’t fear that, but I don’t think I am a mermaid. I’m just stuck on the ship of fools waiting for the dock. But there is no helm to this ship so we’re just wading in the water. I’m just waiting for you to bring me pearls.

You’re opening a new show next week. I’m on the edge of my seat. I’m Aphrodite-ed up *1. about it. Trying to take you deep about it. Feeling really fertile about it. Yes. I said it. I don’t want you–I need you like air. Like Abstract Oxygen except you’re crystal clear. I am a beacon for heathens *2. and you are my king.

I’m White, though I’m Mediterranean so I have culture to pull from other than basic American Whiteness. My family is from Koroni, Greece on one of the southern most tips of the peninsula. My family house there is preserved as a historic site, but my American family doesn’t know why. I don’t feel guilty pulling from your culture since you’ve used Greek mythology over and over again in yours. I said, I’m Aphrodite-ed up for you, papi.

I always think we’ll solve world peace (when I’m delusional) by encouraging every boy in this world to kiss another boy. Taking down the patriarchy, ya feel me? When you inevitably star in my films you will be asked to kiss boys, babe. Can you do that? Can you put away your pride in your masculinity and become soft for me? For my art? I dream about it.

I dream about you and sometimes in my dreams we don’t talk. You’re just at a distance. Which isn’t fair because they’re my dreams and that’s too close to our reality. Should I just accept that or should I keep writing about it? Hmm.

I don’t think I can stop, to be honest.

*1. A line from Tobe and Fat Nwigwe’s song EAT.

*2. A line from Tobe and Fat Nwigwe’s song Fye Fye.